Michael DeNicola


So Sean Avery's name hits the media tabloids once again, only this time it has nothing to do with gay marriage, a Louis Vuitton* sponsored runway show, or his ex-girlfriends hooking up with other NHL'ers. 

No. Instead, Avery's on the front pages of gossip mags and papers because he was arrested last night outside his Los Angeles home for battery of a police officer.

Generally I'd let news like this slide without bothering to write an article about it, but this type of thing grinds my gears a bit, and I'll get into why. 


Here's how it went down according to NBC New York  --

Avery was having a party at his home in the Hollywood Hills a little after midnight, according to police. It was the second time officers had come to the residence after getting complaints of loud music.

When officers came to the house, Avery argued with police and attempted to go back inside his house, pushing an officer out of the way.

Avery then slammed the door and refused to come out. Officers continued to talk to the 31-year-old, asking him to come out, but he refused and additional officers were called to the location.

Avery finally did come out and was cooperative. He was then arrested for battery of a police officer, which carries a bail of $20,000, according to the Hollywood Division watch commander.   


"Hollywood Division Watch Commander".....sounds like a rank from some SciFi intergalactic war film starring Nicholas Ca-zzzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzz

Anyway, everyone's ready to tack this on as just another drama case from Sean Avery. 

"What a douche," you might say. "Here he goes again. He's a problem child."


Step away from your hatred for the man for one second. Look at it from this perspective; He's got a couple weeks before he needs to get focused on next season. He's still relatively young, he's rich and has access to a lot of Hollywood's hottest models and fashion heads. 

He figures he'll throw one last bash at his humble abode. Naturally, while enjoying a party, he's taken to the alcoholic pleasures. Perhaps more than one or dozen. 

While everyone's dancing, drinking, having times of merry, 57 year old recently widowed Beatrice McNevermindsmybusiness from across the way decides to be a crabby bitch and call the cops before she ever attempts to ask Sean to keep it down.

Being the buzzkill that she is, she'll stand outside waiting for the policemen in her hair curlers, bi-focals, bath robe and clutching to her ratty little Chow dog, Mr. Biggens. 

The officers step out of their vehicle, Beatrice immediately vomits her nosy drivel, and Avery's caught off gaurd by a few men in blue. Not once, but two times they knocked on his door and asked him to keep it quiet. 


A booze fueled hot head like Sean Avery more than likely got very, very agitated and attempted to exit his and the officers' conversation by heading back into his home and continue his night of fun shenanigans. While Avery may have attempted this, one of the officers blocked him from doing so. 

That's when Sean gave the officer a one-armed shove to get out of his way. 

The term "battery" here has been loosely used, and completely exaggerated. When I hear "battery" in a police statement, I only think of one thing; Someone getting their ass beat. Not some hipster moving an authority figure out of his way with a light push. 

With "battery" in Avery's arrest report, people could be led to believe that the officer got Rodney King'd on Sean's front yard. 

This is just a case of the media seeing their window of opportunity to sprinkle more glitter on an already heaping pile of sparkling drama. 

"This coming season will be the last on that [Avery's] contract, and it remains to be seen what sort of interest there'll be in him around the league given his reputation." per Globe Sports


 "Given his reputation..."??? He never locked a baby in the car on a summer day with the windows up. He's not robbing banks or department stores. He's not kicking in stall doors in public Womens restrooms like a friggin' pervert. 

He got in a small conflict with the LAPD over a noise complaint. Could happen to any of us. 

"Not me, Mike!"


Oh sorry, Father O'Malley.