FBI Looks For a Hockey Puck, Families Victim to Kidnappings Put on Back Burner
Some Chicago native named Grant DePorter - owner of Harry Caray's Restaurant - has taken time from FBI investigative resources to search for and find the overtime Game 6 Stanley Cup winning puck that disappeared seconds after the Finals was over.
Yesterday THIS article went out over the media wire from SB Nation. Author Al Yellon (a blatant Hawks fan) mentions how using the latest investigative technology, the FBI's able to study freeze-frames of the overtime period to determine whether or not any pucks they recieve are in fact the puck they're looking for.
DePorter did receive one puck from a man who claimed it was the one stretched past Michael Leighton. It was FBI forensics who studied high definition NBC footage to "isolate nicks and marks on the puck used in overtime" and deemed the disc to be a fake.
Of course we all know Flyers star defenceman, Chris Pronger, still has Game 2's puck and is keeping it for $50K ransom. Using this fact as consideration, who's to say he doesn't have what the FBI's looking for?
I laugh just thinking about it. Some schmuck from the Windy City is wasting a chunk of our nation's agency to search for an ice hockey puck while Nicole Brown's murderer is still on the loose.
I hope you caught the sarcasm there.
A random cave-dwelling middle eastern surfing the web has come across this atrocity of a story, brought it to Bin Laden's attention and the entire al-Qaeda terrorist group is laughing their beards off.
Some pedophile just drove through eight states to Mexico because a chief investigator of the FBI's too busy burying his face in a computer screen watching the ice official lift Leighton's net from its moorings.
One dollar and sixty-seven cents was just sucked from yours and my paycheck to help fund this puck campaign.
Mary and Bill Sobcheck from northern Illinois have to patiently wait a few more hours outside their freshly robbed home because DePorter's got to get his piece of hockey history hung up to display as soon as possible.
I hope Pronger's got it.
I hope Pronger HAD it. The next day after the Finals ended I hope Chris boiled that puck into liquid rubber goo, topped it over his grilled burger, ate it and shat Chicago's beloved puck all over a newspaper clipping of Patrick Kane giving Toews a reach-around.
I'm missing my very first issue of Playboy I ever got my fingers on. Granted my 13-year old hands and energy turned that thing into an unreadable tombstone, but it's still nowhere to be found.
Anyone have the number to the FBI? I could use their services immediately.