Flyers move on, Lappy becomes Emperor of Planet Earth, and Sandra Bullock accessorizes
I wanted to write this article as soon as I knew who the Flyers were facing in the second round. I just didn't know I'd be waiting this long. No one did! I felt like a waiter in a restaurant waiting on the Olsen twins to decide which shot glass of soup they'd share for dinner.
I'm sure you are all aware that the Flyers combed through round one against the New Jersey Devils. They capped that series off with a win in game 5, 3 goals to zero; Flyers goals scored by Danny Briere and two by Claude Giroux.
With every victory there comes suffering soon to follow. Flyers forward, Ian Laperriere, once again threw himself into the lion pit during a PK. This warrior, built from Zeus's heart and Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick, slid in front of a slap shot but unfortunately took the frozen rubber just inches above his right eye. As he made his way off the ice, Lappy began asking the trainer(s) if he still had his eye.
The man was basically asking if his own eyeball exploded. If that had been me, I'd still be on the ice crying like a child, and this guy has the ability to ask cognitive questions while skating to the locker room. When I get up in the middle of the night to pee and stub my big toe on the corner of the drawer you would have thought I stepped on a landmine. Yet Lappy takes the injury as if he had been stung by a bee.
After an hour or so in the locker room, Ian regained his vision and had an epiphany; "I want to see my children grow up with both of my eyes," Laperriere said. "I made a stupid mistake again and I'll wear a shield for the rest of my career now." That is respectable. I've been watching hockey for years, and I have not seen anyone thrust themselves in front of a puck like Laperriere has.
Anyways, Ian suffered a brain contusion and a concussion from the play. He is most likely going to miss the remainder of the season, but may grab a seat on the bench as a player-coach (I don't know the terminology) and talk with the player(s) filling in for him on the power play kill. I think that is an excellent idea.
If you were watching last night, the Capitals fell to the Montreal Canadiens, ending the series in a Montreal victory, 4 games to 3. It was one of the biggest upsets I have ever witnessed my entire life. The Canadiens crawled into the off season and managed to put up one of the best defensive forces the game of hockey's experienced. I give them props, and that kills me to say that, because I truly despise the city of Montreal. Ever since their crowd booed our national anthem, I consider them lower than dog shit.
But it is what it is, and the Flyers finally (after almost a week of waiting) get their opponent. Philadelphia will faceoff against the Boston Bruins this Saturday, at 12:30pm. The Bruins are a dangerous team. They've been in a championship drought longer than us and Beantown loves its hockey. I don't respect their baseball team - in fact, the Red Sox can burn in hell - but the Bruins are an amazing match up. This is going to be a great series. Both squads are physical and looking to leave their opponent tired on the ice.
Now.....I don't EVER expose myself purposely to the insanity of Hollywood and the lunatics who call themselves "movie stars", but if you have a television then you've noticed the whole Sandra Bullock and Jessie James debacle. Firstly, I don't give a flying rat's ass if that tattoo covered d-bag cheated on Sandra. In fact, the only personal life I give a shit about is my family's, the woman I love, and mine. The rest can surf the lava waves in the seventh circle of hell for all I care.
Yet, when I turn on the news, radio, computer, flip a page in a f'ing book, I gotta see this goddamn story. He cheated. Great. So do 19 million other husbands. That's like telling me fire is hot. Am I surprised? About as surprised as a camel seeing more sand in the horizon.
I know this has nothing to do with hockey, but it's my blog.
Okay, so....Sandra and Jessie get divorced. SHOCKING! Not only did we have to swallow every single detail of that shit-storm, but now (as the story seemed to lay to rest) we must witness in awe as Sandra reveals she's adopted a child from New Orleans.
Is it me, or does it seem that a child is just another accessory in Hollywood? They've become the equivalent to a starlet wearing a mink scarf on the red carpet.
Angelina has set the bar for women in Hollywood to use this adopting a child as a fashion statement. Not only do I find Angelina Jolie's physical features gross and tired, but the road she's paved for the rest of Hollywood angers me more than a leper playing volleyball. Enough of this "adopting a third world child just so it betters my image" crap! Madonna's doing it, Angie's doing it, now Sandra? Give me a break.
Adopt a goddamn puppy if that's what you need. At least you have the ability to put it down. Not a child! Do these women understand that a human infant shits, pisses and needs food? They can't even take care of themselves or their relationships, yet here they are grabbing kids like they're shopping for a pair of shoes.
God forbid Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan decide to share this same fashion statement, because I'm pretty sure I'd dial 911 to get that kid out of their custody.
::deep breath.......exhaaaaale:: Rant over.
Below I added the highlight of Ian Laperriere bravely putting his own well-being in front of a slap shot, blocking the puck. The Flyers begin Round 2 this Saturday at 12:30pm on NBC, in Boston against the Bruins. Don't miss a second!