Michael DeNicola

03/01/11

 

It's March.

And that only means one thing (according to sports talk 'round the world): March Madness

If you're anything like me then you'd agree this is by far the worst month of the year. There's no great holidays, no one gets married in March, the weather sucks miles of herpes-ridden balls, and (of course) you're asked by every son of a bitch in the world if you're interested in being part of his March Madness pool.

Now, I get it....a lot of you love March Madness. I cannot stand basketball. What was once a pure sport has become an AND 1 show focused primarily on offensive gifted talent. It's all about dunking or 3-point shooting. But ultimately it's all about the money. I used to be a big fan of the Sixers, but the league's choked that out of me.

"Mike, the NBA and the NCAA are two different things."

Oh, ya think? The NBA is raking high school basketball players from the prime age of 17 and drafting them into the league. A college education has become moot as long as you're a man-child who can dunk a ball as easily as I can wipe my ass. I'm highly against drafting a kid fresh out of a school system where he just spent four years trying to get his first blow job.

 

This is what I need YOU (the reader) to do for me: I need you to share this article with just about everyone you know. Now, I know it's a pain in the rear to click "copy" then paste this article's address on your Facebook wall or 'friends' walls, print a copy and place it on someone's desk, etc. But I'm asking nicely.....alert EVERYONE.

The radiowaves of Philadelphia are dripping with Eagles and Phillies news. Ya know when the Flyers get any attention? When our fanbase whines about getting no attention.

Yea. That's it.

Mike Missanelli of 97.5FM is a great...GREAT sports analyst. But just like every hard-on behind the mic, Missanelli misses out on Flyers news as often as I miss out on dieting.

He'll swear on his grandfather's grave that he talks Flyers shop, but the fact is....he doesn't. And when he does, it's his way of addressing Flyers Nation about all the complaining we're doing.

Sure. You can file this entire article under the very same column, but it's still a valid argument. For Christ sake, the NASCAR Daytona 500 got more radio coverage in this city than the Flyers.

Now, with the regular season coming to an end and all the battles that are going on trying to get into the eight conference seeds, you'd think it would be a dream to get paid to discuss this in front of tens of thousands of listeners right? Apparently, that perspective is the minority. Very small minority. In fact, the black man at a klan meeting kinda minority.

And before you liberal sensitive douchebags get on my case about that....just know it was a joke. Don't like it? Don't read my shit.

 

Before I go any further please note I have done absolutely zero research on the actual time spent talking about the Flyers from local FM/AM sports radio stations. This is all strictly opinionated information based on my daily commutes that involve listening to these jackoffs.

 

Alright, so maybe Howard Eskin from 610WIP AM station talks Flyers? I don't consider that a valid source of Flyers information, or even an entertaining source of anything. Granted, Ike Reese is part of that show, but Howard is such a suck-up piece of shit that he could have Ghandi brought back from the dead and on his program....and the show would STILL blow.

When Eskin isn't spending his energy sucking Eagles head coach, Andy Ried's testicles dry....he's calling every other caller a "nitwit" because they disagree with his opinion on whatever matter he's discussing. Not only that, but he never allows anyone to argue THEIR opinion before cutting them short from the station's hang-up button.

The guy's a complete asshole to the very core of the word. I hope he reads this one day.

Eskin, ya readin'!?!?! Stand in front of a cattle stampede, ya hack!

 

But enough rambling, I was trying to make a point.

My point is....College Basketball's about to take its yearly dump on my face via the television to the radio. There's nothing I can do but moan and bitch about it. When I decide to occupy a seat in a bar someplace in the recent future, I'll have to watch the smallest tv in the joint on MUTE while a handful of dickskin Duke fans showoff their sworn Blue Devil diehardedness. While some dude named Jack turns his Tarheels ballcap inside out in the final seconds of a game I could give two shits about. While the girl at the end of the bar screams like a blood boiling banshee each time Louisville buckets a jump shot. While Greg and Bo furiously scratch at their pool's hard copy prior to tip-off. While some hipster collegiate shithead asks me, "Are you watching that?" as JVR slips one past the opponent's netminder and I'm dressed in my Carcillo sweater. While I get sixty or so emails from every goddamn coworker clicking "Reply All" on the "MARCH MADNESS POOL" email that's gone out. While I try and start hockey conversation amongst the water cooler crew but they're too concerned about some 7'9" white guy's ankle being taped. While Dick Vitale groans on and on in that absolutely disgusting, annoying, bone marrow curdling voice of his.

Basketball sucks.

 

Editor's Note: Just realized St. Patrick's Day is in March. March rules.

Editor's Note#2: AND Mardi Gras!